Thursday, July 10, 2008

What a Day

It's kind of funny. I started this blog to deal with the emotions of a special needs child. I've actually been using it for everything else and not dealing with my feelings about things with Mia. It's not that it doesn't still break my heart to see Mia struggle, to know that is she almost 2 and isn't walking and doesn't have a vocabulary of a 2 year old (she has one word though...MOM)! I am so emotionally drained right now that I cannot focus on those pains.
I was thinking my therapy was yesterday, but I realized after my post the other day that my session was today. Luckily my listening ear (Carol) took over for my MFT and helped me make it through the day yesterday. I pretty much cried the entire session today. It is amazing how great I feel after therapy. I don't know if it is from all of the crying because I cry all the time to myself, but I think it is a combination of actually saying the feelings out loud and crying. I blog about a lot of the same stuff, but I don't get as detailed. I am not ready to let the entire world in on my life : ) Right after therapy I find myself feeling good and bad, good that I got it out, bad on what was left unsaid/unresolved. The first week after therapy has gone pretty good but it's the second week that kills me. I realized part of the problem is the first week I take her advice and implement it in my life, by the second week I revert back to old habits and I crumble. My goal is to do what she says for the entire 2 weeks. I know and she knows it is easier said than done, but it is for my own emotional well being. The next 2 weeks of sticking with her advice is going to be tough and have some twists to it.
Aside from therapy, today was not a good day. I went to therapy and rushed home to take Mia to her therapy. I get to the hospital (25 minutes away) and they look at me like I am crazy, well, more like, uh what are you doing here? Come to find out, today was Mia's OT at home not the hospital. I got confused because Mia had home OT already this week, but this was a make up for last week. We rushed back and made it home quickly but her OT didn't wait for us. She said she couldn't wait. I was a bit annoyed by this for a few reasons, she has changed Mia's therapy time constantly and I just roll with it, the first session she showed up almost 20 minutes late and didn't even call and she is always a few minutes late. Mia has an hour of OT with her, it wasn't like she had another appointment that conflicted.
I had some shopping to do, well, I didn't HAVE to shop, but that is my other form of therapy that Mia and I do on a daily basis. I go to TJ Maxx and I was there almost an hour, I was trying on clothes and just browsing. I left empty handed and very disappointed, but I had other stores to hit so I wasn't too down. As I am walking to the parking lot I am debating on going to another store in this center or driving to Kohls. As I get closer to my car I notice the front passenger side door is wide opened. I got very nervous, I was like what the heck is going on. At the same time someone is trying to park right next to my car. I was so embarrassed so I walked past my car and acted like it wasn't mine. I walk like 15 parking spaces away and pretend to be looking in my purse. The lady trying to park next to my car gets out and says out loud, "Oh look, US NAVY, do you see this the door is wide open but nobody is there." She was basically talking to herself (I think). Then she yells to me, "Hey do you see this, the door is wide open, is this your car?" Ok, so you would think I am already embarrassed I should just admit that I am an idiot and say yes that is my car. What do I do instead? I lie, no, that's not my car! I could have killed myself. She ends up closing the door and walking into the store, I wasn't going to be caught dead near my car so I continued to walk away and watched her walk into the store. Once she got into the store I walked close enough to my car to make the remote lock the doors. I went into another store and came out hoping her car would be gone, but no such luck. I put Mia in the car and left as fast as I could. I was worried that lady would come out and see me. My car in pretty noticeable in town, I mean it not only has military stickers on the windshield but we are in California and I have Hawaii plates which is not very common around here. So, it is only about noon and I have made two embarrassing mistakes, what else could go wrong...? Don't even ask. We will just leave it at I am glad the day is over and I pray tomorrow is better. I have too much on my mind right now, that is for sure.


Jessica said...

What a day! Girl, you should have played the 'dumb not really a blonde' on that one. I went into Sam's the other day and left my windows down. Adam got back out and was not to happy with me. I played that card, it worked for me. I must've accidently opened it, opps... lol Silly girl :) Hugs! If you need to talk, let me know! I've got a few ears that are ready and willing to listen