But it is so hard. I know Mia has come very far. I know that she has surprised the doctors and made great progress over the past 20 months. I am just having a very hard time focusing on the positive right now. I feel very drained emotionally. I feel very alone though I am in a house full of people. I feel like I don't have anyone to talk to that can understand my feelings. My mom isn't a good source as I don't think she can fully accept and deal with Mia's delays.
It breaks my heart. Mia wants to walk so bad and she just doesn't have the strength and balance to do so. She tries so hard and loves to finger walk. It just makes me feel so sad for her because things don't come easily for her. She doesn't know any better so I try to not make a big deal about it. She's a very happy girl. She has zero balance. She can not stand at all without support. She falls without support so I know walking is still a ways away.
Her not talking is bothering me more and more everyday. I think the talking bothers me more than the physical delays right now. I am sure if she was doing more talking then the physical delays would bother me more. I just wish she would talk. I just don't understand why she won't talk. How do you teach a kid to talk...that's the million dollar question.
I find myself feeling more and more robbed each day. I know this is wrong. I know God has a plan for Mia and He is taking care of her (and me). I just can't seem to get myself off of this pitty pot that I seem to be on.
Wednesday, April 16, 2008
Trying to Stay Positive...
Posted by Tara at 2:07 PM
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6 comments:
I am here for you. Even with a house full, you still just moved!!! Of course you feel lonely. And yes, Mia is doing SUPER WELL. But that doesn't mean it won't be hard. Today I took Sammy to the Y watch at the YMCA, he did pretty well, but when we left I felt crappy that I had to explain what was going on with Sammy. I just NEVER EVER want anyone to think anything negative about Sammy. And even if they think poor Sammy, that bothers me too. We are all a mess.
When I posted about Sammy's new "ah-ah" I thought about you and Jessica. I am SUPER happy that Sammy is starting to talk, but I just wish all of our kids were. Just like if Sammy isn't crawling(not army style!)/pulling up soon, you will start feeling bad for me that Mia is crawling and Sammy isn't....does that make sense. I just want you to know that I am here for you. For better or worse we are stuck with each other. I am just so thankful that I have my blog buddies!!!
Tara- Hugs honey! If anybody understands, it's me- I promise. For the longest time, all I cared about was having a child that walked. Once we hit that, the talking finally hit me. He's almost 5 and he doesn't say Mommy. It hurts. Especially whenever my 17 month old can yell, "mamamamama". I see Parker surpase Logen in alot of things and it's hard to watch. While I am tickled to death for Parker, I wonder what Logen thinks about it. It's not fair. But, Mia is still young. There is a CP guy that is a PTA that worked for my mom that didn't talk a single word until he was 7! We have to have faith. Our children need that! I'm hear if you need me.
Tara - I am thinking of you girl. I always think about the six major stresses in life and you are hitting so many of them right now -- moving, relationship (separation from DH), health (Mia & yours) and finance (insurance). You are allowed to have a pity party for yourself. I talked to a counselor at the end of last year and it was so nice to have someone who listened and just said "Wow, that is a heavy load you are carrying." I do not know why it helped, but it did. So, that is what I am going to say to you "Wow, that is a heavy load you are carrying."
I completely understand the family thing. They are trying, but it is hard when it is not your child. Know that you have all of us cyber friends and that we think of you often.
Keep posting and let us know if there is anything that you need. If you want to talk offline, feel free to e-mail me directly kbsosinski at sttthomas.edu
You do wonders with Mia and she is so lucky to have you!
I understand where you are comming from, Audrianna cant stand or walk unassisted she really really wants to but she just can't do it when she tries she falls and gets her and just cries so hard. Talking to is hard here she has a few words pretty much mama, dada and no and thats it her sign language is a whole nother story.
I'm sorry you're having a difficult time right now. I know it doesn't help but I think you're feelings are normal - and as others have mentioned, you've got a lot on your plate right now.
I hear you on the talking. I'm getting so worried about the lack of words. I know he understands a lot of what we say but I want to hear him speak so badly! Sometimes I feel like it will never happen and that's scary.
Mia is a beautiful, happy little girl and is doing really well. Maybe you'll start to see more progress on the walking and talking front when you get settled with your therapy.
Hang in there, you're not alone.
P.S. I just re-read my comment and realized that I should clarify that I meant physical separation with the spouse :) Take care
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