The Good, The Bad and The Ugly...

Ok, so maybe not the ugly, but the good and the bad for sure.

The Good...Mia is showing that she comprehends things. I know that she is *all there* it is just nice when she does things that outwardly show me. Yesterday the PT was done with the eval and she packed up her toys in her duffle bag and zipped it up. Mia was sitting behind the therapist at this point because she was trying to (unprompted) get the therapist her shoes. She looked at me, she pointed at the bag and did the sign for MORE!!!!!!!! She's never done it like that before. I was so excited, ofcourse I wish she was talking but this was GREAT! Last week during infant development she wasn't feeling well and she didn't want to play anymore, she looked at the teacher and waved good bye to her. She has done that several times, when she is finished (in her mind) with therapy she will look at them and wave, usually they won't leave though. This time I did tell the teacher that Mia had enough for the day and we ended early.

The Good...Mia had OT today and the therapist says she already can see a very small improvement in Mia's strength. It has only been a few weeks and she missed last week so that is very good that she already sees her strength increased!! Mia should be getting her Kaye walker soon too. I spoke to the office lady that does the ordering and of course they hadn't done anything for it as of yet, but she did say our insurance should cover it and since it isn't custom ordered we should be able to pick it up at a medical supply store locally. I hope this means Mia will have her walker in the next couple of weeks. I am supposed to hear something by Saturday, if not I will follow up Monday.

The Good...I get to see my therapist again tomorrow!! I was feeling pretty good for the last few days and I thought, boy I think I will be able to make it through the session without balling. Wrong, I am feeling pretty down again. This is going to bring me to the BAD...being away from my hubby is so hard. This isn't the first or the last time that we will have to be separated. Sometimes it is easier to deal with than others. Right now I am struggling with it. I wish he was here, I miss him so much.

The Bad...so not to air my dirty laundry but my sister is getting married in OMG 17 days and our dad isn't going to attend. So, a brief history, my parents divorced when I was 9 years old and from the time I was 9 years old until May 2006 my dad was pretty non-existent in my life. We went about 10 straight years with no contact. He was heavily into drugs, he used to call on occasion and say how sorry he was but he was so out of it that it was always the *victim* excuse. 10 years went by, I saw him walking once while I was driving to school, I briefly saw him in passing at a family function and he asked me why I never call (uh, duh you never answer your phone and ofcourse you would never call me back). I just laughed it off and went on my way. In May 2006 I was informed that he was clean and sober and wanted to pursue a relationship. I was prego with Mia at the time and I said if he wanted to have a relationship he can write me a letter, I said I didn't want to talk to someone who wanted to make excuses for his actions. Well, me being the weak person that I am made the first attempt at contact and I wrote him a letter. I basically told him that I was sorry that he missed out on my life, but I lived my life and I gave him my phone number. He called me and things were going well. Mia was born and given the trauma he offered to come out to help out. My mom and sister were with me and it would have been weird with him so I declined. He was supposed to come out right before Thanksgiving (which I was basically I will believe it when I see it), but he didn't come out, his oldest daughter suddenly died. This was a valid excuse and he did end up coming out in March. Anyway, slowly the relationship that we were trying to rebuild started to dwindle. He didn't call too much, he was always complaining about being depressed but wouldn't do anything about it. My sister went in person and spoke to him and let him know that she really wanted him at the wedding but our step dad would walk her down the isle. The wedding is at my parents (mom and step dad who is really a dad to me)and my sister wanted my step dad to walk her down the isle since he has always been the one that was there for us. My bio dad said he understood and he knew that my sister would do that, he cried, but knew. It all sounds reasonable, but when you are dealing with someone who isn't reasonable, who is selfish and a wuss it's not reasonable. I haven't spoken to him since April 9th and that was only for a second because he was busy. I called him and no answer, no return call. I heard from my Aunt ( his sister) that it is just too hard for him and he won't be attending the wedding. Ok, so that is sissy enough that he can't man up and attend the wedding since he has missed every other major event in our life aside from our birth. But now he won't answer the phone or return our calls. I mean if you aren't going to attend fine, but don't make it worse and not even have the guts to say it to us. At this point I cannot continue to have a relationship with this man (not that I have a choice since he has yet again abandon me) but if he were to try and call and be apart of my life I won't do it. I can't have Mia around someone who is that selfish and undependable. So I guess that can be considered the UGLY too. I just can't see how someone could do that to their child. Especially since I have a child now, I just can't see ever being able to do something to disappoint her. He is so selfish.

The Bad...I spoke to the office girl at the hospital today and she said it will probably be another 4-8 weeks until Mia has a speech eval. This is a huge frustration for me. I want her to catch up in all aspects of development (duh) but she is getting increasingly frustrated with communication. I have no idea why she can't talk and it hurts my heart so much. I see her frustration when she is trying so hard to get me to understand what she wants, it's like shirades but I often end up on the losing team. She knows what she wants, but I can't always understand. I see her being very frustrated about not being able to walk and talk. She tries so hard to balance herself in order to stand and she babbles just something isn't working there. She is making positive steps though, she will do some copy noises, growling and similar noises. I need to find some books to educate me more on why kids don't speak. I mean I know about apraxia and other things, but I know it will help me if I read more about it.