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Tuesday, June 17, 2008

Just when you think it can't get any worse...

As if I didn't have my fill of crap yesterday, it continued on today. I suppose it is my fault. Ever since Mia was 5 months old the doctors, specialists and therapists have commented on Mia's *slow* but purposeful movements. Up until a couple of weeks ago I figured it was due to her low tone. When she has met the new therapists and they also commented on her *slow* movements I started to think more about it. Why is she so slow...is it her tone or is it something else? So, you would think that since I had such a bad day yesterday I wouldn't chose today to discuss it with her PT, but sometimes hind sight is 20/20. I was going on very little sleep (3.5 hours) so I can use the excuse I wasn't in my right mind. No one in their right mind would ask a question like that after having the kind of day that I had yesterday. Well, I asked and the answer was not what I hoped to hear. I have had 2 big reality checks between today and yesterday. The first one was when I showed up to a special needs class and no one else was there for the class, as if that wasn't a huge slap in my face rubbing it in that my *normal* is so far off from what the rest of the world seems to have as *normal*. I felt so much more like a minority (in the parenting world) than ever before. It was like WHACK TARA, SEE MIA IS DIFFERENT AND YOU NEED TO FACE IT! Today's reality check came when I asked the PT about her *slow* movements. She tells me she thinks that it has more to do with the area of the brain that is *injured* rather than her low tone and that she will probably always be *slow* in her movements. I almost started to cry right there. I was just so upset. In my mind I thought it was the low tone, which I know doesn't go away, but with muscle strengthening it can be somewhat overcome. I figured once she got stronger her movements would get quicker. I cried the whole way home. It isn't only the trained medical people that comment on Mia's *slow* movements, it is also perfect strangers. If people already notice it and she is only 1 I am sure as she gets older it will be even more obvious. I know that I should be channelling my energy into something more positive than crying and complaining about it, but I am on the pot and I am not getting off (at least for now) so boo f'ing hoo for me!

2 comments:

Popcorn House said...

You know it is such a roller coaster we all are riding. Think back a week when you got the great eval, you were feeling really good and now CRASH two really crappy days. I wish I had some great wisdom to share hun, but I don't. I just want you to remember that Mia is Mia, and what therapist, doctors etc. say it isn't going to change that she is your beautiful baby girl. Also, we are always here for you. I am so glad that I found my bloggy friends. Tomorrow will be better, it has to be!!!

Kiera said...

I am thinking of you Tara. Sounds like it has been a really rough week. I hope that today was better (it had to be, right?)

Mia is a beautiful little girl! I wish that I could give you magic words, but I know that there is nothing that makes it go away. Just know that we are here for you and that we understand what you are going through.

Please keep us updated. I am thinking of you!