Just when you think it can't get any worse...

As if I didn't have my fill of crap yesterday, it continued on today. I suppose it is my fault. Ever since Mia was 5 months old the doctors, specialists and therapists have commented on Mia's *slow* but purposeful movements. Up until a couple of weeks ago I figured it was due to her low tone. When she has met the new therapists and they also commented on her *slow* movements I started to think more about it. Why is she so slow...is it her tone or is it something else? So, you would think that since I had such a bad day yesterday I wouldn't chose today to discuss it with her PT, but sometimes hind sight is 20/20. I was going on very little sleep (3.5 hours) so I can use the excuse I wasn't in my right mind. No one in their right mind would ask a question like that after having the kind of day that I had yesterday. Well, I asked and the answer was not what I hoped to hear. I have had 2 big reality checks between today and yesterday. The first one was when I showed up to a special needs class and no one else was there for the class, as if that wasn't a huge slap in my face rubbing it in that my *normal* is so far off from what the rest of the world seems to have as *normal*. I felt so much more like a minority (in the parenting world) than ever before. It was like WHACK TARA, SEE MIA IS DIFFERENT AND YOU NEED TO FACE IT! Today's reality check came when I asked the PT about her *slow* movements. She tells me she thinks that it has more to do with the area of the brain that is *injured* rather than her low tone and that she will probably always be *slow* in her movements. I almost started to cry right there. I was just so upset. In my mind I thought it was the low tone, which I know doesn't go away, but with muscle strengthening it can be somewhat overcome. I figured once she got stronger her movements would get quicker. I cried the whole way home. It isn't only the trained medical people that comment on Mia's *slow* movements, it is also perfect strangers. If people already notice it and she is only 1 I am sure as she gets older it will be even more obvious. I know that I should be channelling my energy into something more positive than crying and complaining about it, but I am on the pot and I am not getting off (at least for now) so boo f'ing hoo for me!