Today...well today started out very hard for me. I was still having a hard time being strong and keeping it together. I just wanted to cry. I know that for Mia I have to be strong even when I don't want to be. I have a hard time seeking out the support and fully opening myself up to people. I don't want to appear weak or needy. I share a lot on my blog and get a lot of things out there, but there is still so much more to me. So much more that I need to deal with and let go, things that have been bottled up for so long and it's time for me to let them go. I fully believe that you are 100% responsible for choices that you make and just because you have a recovering alcoholic for a mom and a recovering drug and alcohol addict for a father doesn't give you a free ticket to fu** up your life. I have no valid excuse for choices that I have made in my life that are coming back to bite me now, I went in fully aware of the situation. I know that other people influenced the decisions that I made and I fully realize the consequences of my weaknesses.
Last night was so freeing and so heartwarming. You know who you are and thank you so much for being there for me. You have no idea how much that it meant to me to have you there to listen to me. In my entire life I have only opened up to 2 people with as much honesty about my feelings and my *dirty* laundry. I am so glad we met, the way we met isn't our ideal way to meet, but I am glad we found each other. Thank you!!
I also sought support from my (step) father. He is a great guy and has always been there for me. I know that he isn't one to judge or hold grudges. I needed to tell someone that I was crumbling inside, that I could no longer go on everyday pretending that I was ok. I cried, but not as much as I thought I would. After speaking with him I had a sense of relief, like the weight had been lifted. I still had moments of weakness throughout the day and I wanted to cry, but mainly I have held it together. I have also been praying for strength to get me through these weak times.
Mia had her walker fitting today. I expect her to have her walker in about 2 weeks if everything goes smoothly. She actually hasn't been liking the walker as much at PT lately, but when she gets her at home she will be encouraged to use it often. I also might be having a battle with the hospital PT about a charge that they may want me to pay. My insurance is supposed to cover 100% of all of Mia's medical (gotta love the military) stuff, including her PT. Before we began the hospital also confirmed this with the insurance. Today I got a summary of payments made to the hospital from my insurance and their is something for $125 on there that wasn't covered by the insurance and it says "This Is Not A Bill" but that is under the "Amount You Owe" section which I am sure means the hospital will be sending me a bill. I am going to dispute it however because it is not my fault if they performed a service without insurance approval. I just am not in the mood to deal with this right now so I pray that it will all be taken care of on their end and I won't get a bill.
GREAT NEWS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Finally after many many months Mia is going to start 1 of 2 Speech Therapies!! We got the call today but I wasn't home so I will discuss it while I am at the hospital tomorrow. Even better the location is very close to where we live. Right now it takes about 35 minutes to get to Mia's appointments so this will be very nice to only be about 5 minutes away. I am so excited for my lil' girl.
LAZY BONES. Well, as I have said before the young girl who is Mia's OT calls her lazy or lazy bones and it bothers me. My sweet girl is not lazy, she is very determined and a hard worker. Last week the OT was much more positive than ever before and only called her lazy one time. She has a hard time dealing with Mia when Mia won't do what she wants. She fights with her instead of trying to do different things to motivate her to do what she wants her to. So, after the session last week the OT and I were sitting on the floor discussing the schedule for July. At the end I looked her right in the eye and said " I know that I am probably being over sensitive to it and I know that you don't mean anything by it, but I don't like when you call Mia lazy or lazy bones. I am sensitive, but I would appreciate it if you didn't call her that." I said it calmly and very nice. I looked her in the eye the entire time and didn't feel nervous at all. She had a look on her face like someone told her that someone in her family died or a deer in the headlights kind of look on her face. She said "Oh (in shock) ok." I said, " Thanks, see you next week." I left glad that I said something, mad that she didn't apologize but proud that I stuck up for my baby. We will see what happens this week.

My sister is getting married on Saturday so today she treated me and my mom to a massage. It was great. I didn't have a wonderful therapist but it was still great. I haven't had a massage in years!! It was a thank you to us since we have planned almost all of her wedding and done a lot of the work ourselves!!