Hope

I just got through reading an email that truly touched my heart. The words that were written weren't exactly directed toward me but I had to hold back the tears. These were tears of joy. I know that things with Mia will never be easy, she will always have to work harder and longer to accomplish things that to other kids comes so easily. I am ok with that. I sometimes feel *sorry* for her, but what good does that do? She is a hard worker and there is nothing wrong with working hard to accomplish things. If I feel sorry for her it can have a negative impact on her self esteem later in life. She is who she is and God has a plan for her. When she was born she brought more and more people closer to God through prayer. She had people from all over the US praying for her. People would always ask " How's that baby Mia doing?" To see her remarkable progress is a true testament to God's healing hand! God has answered so many prayers for Mia. I don't know how someone without faith could go through such a trying time. I just can't imagine going through this without knowing that God has a plan and He is there to give me strength when I am weak. Within the last week the emotion has been overwhelming, I cannot believe that God trusted me to be a mom of a special needs child. What a compliment that He thought that I could handle this huge task!

I look back on the last 21 months with Mia and it gives me hope. I think of all of the things that I used to worry about and pray about that are not even an issue anymore. When I first realized that she should be holding her head up and she wasn't she was about 4 months old. I walked out to the car because we were getting ready to leave and I just burst out crying and said "Can't you just hold your head up?" As I put her in her carseat I leaned over and gave her the biggest kiss and told her I was so sorry. I felt so bad for saying that to her. Later that day I called my mom crying about what a mean mommy I was and I told her what I said, but then I told her that Mia not holding her head up was my problem, not Mia's. She didn't care if she could hold her head up she was happy, hanging head and all. It was then that I realized that my reactions to her and her (dis) abilities would have a huge impact on her. I have to teach her to be happy with what she can do, have self esteem and to love herself. No matter the situation there is always someone who is smarter than you, faster than you, prettier than you etc. On the flip side their is also someone who has it worse than you. Be thankful for what you have. I used to worry a lot about Mia drooling too and I thought oh no kids are going to make fun of her! I would cry and cry...for what? She doesn't drool anymore (but she does spit...bad habit). She used to make this screetching noise with her throat and I thought it was so cute! One day I stopped and thought what if she is spending the night at her friends house and she makes that noise, they will laugh at her. I cried and cried, for what again? She doesn't do that anymore, she makes a similar noise to be funny though.

So back to the email...it was basically an e-mail of hope. One SN mom to another. One who's been there done that, had the same pains and worries and now has an almost 5 year old, who, yes still needs therapy but is entering *typical* kindergarten!!