Basket Case

Boy lately, I just can't get it together. I find myself crying more and more. I know everyone has 'bad' days but day after day. Come on now. Get a hold of yourself, Tara! For so long after Mia's birth everyone would say 'she's gonna be fine'. I know it was meant to be encouraging while others were probably saying it to convince themselves. They would say 'she's going at her pace' or in x # of years you wouldn't even know she had a rough start. Finally I couldn't take it anymore. I said " I don't care if you think she's going to be fine, I don't care if you think in x number of years no one would know that she had a rough start. I want what every mother wants, my child to develop and achieve things naturally and like every baby does.' I just felt like my feelings were being downplayed or like my family thought I was being dramatic about Mia's situation. Which, my mom and my sister know how gloomy things were looking as they arrived to the hospital just over 24 hours after Mia's birth. I've come to realize that this is going to be a pain that I feel for the rest of my life. She can achieve milestone after milestone but this isn't going to go away. She hasn't been diagnosed yet and I have been fighting the unconfirmed diagnosis. I just can't stand the thought of Mia having CP. I had a talk with her secondary PT and she was very nice, but she basically said her confirmed dx of CP is neither her nor there. She said " Mia is still going to do what Mia is going to do. She is still Mia.' She is so right, they can label her with whatever they want to but she WILL ACHIEVE many things. She may not do it as well or as fast as others but she will do it. She is truly a hard worker and even at such a young age she is very determined.
There is a mom on the message board that I belong to. She has an older child with CP so she's been living with this for a number of years. She doesn't know me, I don't know that we've ever even posted to each others threads, but I admire her. She has said so many inspirational things and has helped me through rough times without even knowing it. I hope someday when a mom just finds out her child has CP that I can be their for her and offer support and experience. I don't understand why if CP is more common that Autism why there is so little out there. If I look things up for services for Mia the main topic discussed is Autism. Not that I don't think those parents need the support, I just find it odd that CP isn't mentioned in the same way.
I read other blogs and postings from other mothers in my shoes and they seem so 'put together' in their thoughts and writings, I feel like I ramble and make little to no sense, I am a basket case!