Ok, so i see many people do this bloggin thing. I have actually created 3 blog postings on my (shh!! don't laugh) Myspace Page. It really did feel great to 'unload' everything. Something about getting all of your thoughts, feelings and frustrations out is just so cleansing. Now if my wonderful hubby was aware of my blogging I am sure there would be some laughter and snickers from him. We deal with things so different. Is it because Men are from Mars? Who knows? Anyway, I thought I would give this bloggin thing a try. As far as this page set up and the terminology goes I am such a rookie I have no idea what I am doing.
So, ' Strong Can be deceiving' kind of has a double meaning for me. Friends say to me 'Wow, I really admire your strength' or 'Good thing you are strong' or in various ways they compliment my strength. Well, the fact of the matter is I AM NOT STRONG! I don't want to be STRONG! I have no choice but to try and be STRONG! I am so weak and so sensitive, but I can't walk around all day crying. So, I do what I have always done, put on the smile and go about my day. Little do they know how many times I cry myself to sleep or how many days I just wake up crying. Little do they know how much my heart aches and breaks.
Mia is in a Gymboree Play class which was very hard for me to sign her up for, she started when she was 13 months old and was in a class with 6-10 month old kids up until this past month and now she is almost 19 months and is in a class with 10-16 month old kids. She is older than all the kids, yet she is the only one that can't walk and she just started to crawl. Most of the moms are nice, but I really feel uncomfortable and like an outsider. Anyway, as usual I got off topic, so when we first started the class the teacher would ask a question and would go around the circle and ask for everyone to reply. One day the question was " What is the one thing about parenthood that you never expected to feel?" Most of the moms said, frustration, love and tiredness. When it came to me my answer was " I never expected to feel so much love and have so much heartache.' It was at that point when it became so clear to me how little people understand the emotional roller coaster it is having a special needs child. While these moms no doubt love their kids, they have frustrations because their kids are getting into everything and I am siting on the other end wishing my LO would be mobile and get into everything!
2 comments:
I could of written your post. Except I have been blessed to be on the other side four times. I am amazed at how much you just don't get until you have been there. I told one of my friends that it is hard to explain and I hope she is never on this side to find out. You are doing so good, so good!!!
Not only does my hubby laugh at my posts, he kinda gets ticky. For me, it's such a huge relief to blog. And, you know what? Many of the people that read my posts will never actually meet me. So, should I care what the rest of the world thinks? Probably not. Nobody has to read my blog, it's mine. Thats what I've told him! I hope you find as much relief in the blogging world as me :)
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