MRI

Mia's MRI is scheduled for Tuesday, March 25th. Now that I have the actual date set I have 'cold feet'. We were supposed to have the MRI in May and I got cold feet and cancelled it. Mia had an MRI done when she was 9 days old. I remember when the neurologist sat us down and showed us the images my first thought, was 'oh it's not that bad' but I do recall starting to cry and then I blocked out almost everything else he said. I do remember him going over the areas of the brain that had 'injury' and I also remember him mention bleeding on the brain. I do remember the neuro saying 'Likely she will have CP' He also said 'Her motor skills will be affected.' I also remember him saying 'Cognitively she'll be fine.' I don't remember anything else he said. I was just crying and crying and trying to process it. Then he said 'But of course she could be the one that surprises us.' I listened at that point and in my mind I said 'uh huh, she will be the one that surprises you I promise!' I walked away back towards Mia's crib in the NICU and I was crying and crying. The psychologist came running up to me Mrs. Neville, Mrs. Neville, I was thinking shut the (naughty word) up. She said she would like to talk to me. I just looked at her, like lady this isn't the time. I never did talk to her. I do wish I had someone to talk to, someone to cry with, someone that understands though. I don't want just some random person that hasn't walked this walk. Of course I have my husband, but we don't process and deal with things the same. I want another mother who knows the pain that I am in. 

So, I am off my original topic, but this is my blog so I suppose I make the rules! ha ha. I am being funny. See, since you don't know me you don't know that I am very sarcastic. Which, I just read in my parents magazine that I am teaching my daughter sarcasm and that it isn't a good thing to teach her, it can lead to passive aggressive behavior. LMAO! I am the kind of sarcastic that people often don't realize I am being sarcastic they think I am serious and get offended. My husband is the worst. He knows me, but he says I use my sarcasm as a back up plan when I say something completely rude to him, once I realize his feelings are hurt then I change it up with, what I was just joking! He's right, I do that sometimes!! Shh! Don't tell him!

Ok, back to the MRI and cold feet. So, after Mia's first MRI they told us that about 6 months down the road they wanted to repeat the MRI. They wanted to see if the 'injury' stayed the same or got worse. I prayed and prayed and still pray that God will perform a miracle and restore Mia's brain and the MRI will show no damage. I wanted to do the MRI for that reason, to see if I got my miracle. When it came down to it I was just too scared to put her under so we cancelled the appointment. A couple of weeks ago we were encouraged to proceed with the MRI so that we can get a long term prognosis. We decided that we should have the MRI done. I prayed a lot about it and having the MRI seemed to be the right thing to do. I suppose if I am missing the signs saying otherwise then God will have to send me a bolder sign, like the MRI gets cancelled or Mia gets sick. 

I have prayed so much for Mia. Mia has had many people praying for her. I know the prayers have worked and she has come this far because of all of the prayers. Every night when I say my prayers I say "dear God, please help Mia to not have any long term affects from her injury at birth." Up until 3 days ago I guess I didn't really realize what I was saying. I knew the neuro said she could have motor skill issues, but I guess I just thought that was something that was just going to be a slow process but work itself out. I also knew that she was at risk for CP, but I never thought of it as being a lifelong thing. I mean I know that CP doesn't go away, but what I mean is when I prayed that prayer I was never thinking don't let her have CP. It is just so hard to process, understand and deal with this all at once. I have more to write, but this blog is getting to long! KMN

Here is a picture of my little Mia on August 22, 2006 (the day of the first MRI).